A Searching Soul
by starlinshadow
Summary: Complete. Giles loves Willow, but he thinks it can never be. Will they get a happy ending? Set during season four right after Oz left.


Disclaimer: Giles and Willow do not belong to me. Buffy the Vampire Slayer does not belong to me. Please don't sue, because the only thing I can give you is my student loan debt...lol.  
  
A Searching Soul  
  
She's so beautiful, he thought as he watched her, her red hair brushing over the pages of the book she was currently absorbed in. Researching nights were extra special to him because she would want to talk to him and listen and care...Willow. He knew he shouldn't have these feelings for her. He was Giles, the ex-librarian watcher and he was old. He knew she would find someone her own age, hell, if Oz hadn't left she still would be with someone her own age, but it would kill him and he knew it, to see her with someone else. As much pain as she was in, he couldn't help but feel a little happy that Oz was gone. Not that Giles thought he had a chance anyway. He could never tell her how he felt, he could only watch and wish. At night in his cold bed he could pretend and then the guilt would eat him alive, but he couldn't stop himself.  
  
"Giles," Willow asked looking at him, "are you alright? You look a little flushed, you're not getting sick are you?"  
  
"No Willow, I'm fine. I just didn't get enough sleep last night." For thinking of you, he thought.  
  
Willow had always felt close to Giles, she felt like they had a lot in common. They both liked to read, they both researched, they both worked with spells, but lately Willow felt like Giles wanted something more from her. She knew he'd never ask unless it meant the end of the world, but once in a while she'd catch him looking at her with something akin to longing. She knew what he thought, that it could never work, that he was twenty years her senior. She had been thinking about it lately, when she had first noticed, she'd been a little wigged and a little sad for Giles, unrequited love was terrible, but she couldn't say no when he hadn't even asked yet. However, lately she'd been noticing things about him like the way his eyes lit up when someone asked him something. How he jumped to help anyone who needed it, how he loved to be needed. He knew that Buffy was grown and that she could take care of her self. Giles was important though, he was central in the research and, Willow was beginning to think, in her life.  
  
She began trying to tear him out of her life bit by bit and realized she couldn't. He was there, not as a father figure, but as a man, as a person who cared. Willow thought of him and she knew she had to say something. She knew he never would and now when she looked at him all she wanted to do was kiss him. To let those angsty eyes turn happy and joyful and she wanted to see his reaction when he found out that she did love him too and that she wanted to give a relationship between them a try.  
  
Giles sat at home on his sofa staring off into space. He could watch television, but that was so mindless. He would read but he had a headache. All he wanted to do was sit and think about Willow. His Willow, no, never that. Today she had looked so sweet and innocent, too innocent for the likes of him. He was old and jaded.  
  
The image of Willow standing in front of him appeared. She leaned down over his body and kissed him, he groaned aloud wrapping his arms around her, pulling her into his lap, her lips never leaving his.  
  
"Oh, Giles, I've wanted you for so long," she moaned into his mouth.  
  
"Hmmm."  
  
knock, knock  
  
The sound of someone at the door broke into his dream and he groaned in disappointment. If he couldn't have her in real life couldn't they let him have her in his imagination? He opened the door hopping his erection didn't show.  
  
"Willow!" he exclaimed, when he saw the redheaded witch standing at his doorstep.  
  
"Hi Giles, may I come in?"  
  
"Yes, please." Could you be any more eager, old man? Inwardly he cursed himself. Don't scare her away, at least if she doesn't know she will still stay around you. He could live without seeing her at least once in a while and at least knowing that she had found feelings of friendship. He could hide the rest...he could!  
  
"Giles." She started looking into his brown puppy dog eyes, begging for just a glimmer, for just one word of appreciation. "Giles, I have been doing a lot of thinking recently."  
  
He looked at her warily, "About what?"  
  
"Well, Oz left quite awhile ago and I haven't had much luck in the love department."  
  
She sat down, looking intensely into his eyes, "I want to do a spell, to find my soul mate. The one who loves me, the one who I will love, the one who I am supposed to be with forever. I don't need to know when I will meet him, I just need to know that he is out there. I am so lonely, I just need something to hold onto." She looked into his eyes pleadingly, "Please Giles, please."  
  
Please, no, please God no. To know that one day she would find a man and settle down would one day be happy away from him, that was hard enough, but to know who that man was, he didn't think he could bear it. But one look into her pleading eyes he knew he had to, he could deny her nothing.  
  
"I suppose that would be alright," he said, staring at the floor. Oh Willow, he sighed silently, "When do you want to do this?"  
  
"Oh Giles, thank you!" she squealed leaning in and hugging him, "Thank you! Why don't I pick up some ingredients and we can do the spell tomorrow, here? Is that okay?"  
  
Just peachy, he thought.  
  
She arrived at promptly eight o'clock, all the ingredients in hand. If this night worked out as she planned, then Giles would know that he was her soul mate. After a lot of soul searching she realized he had to be and she loved him, she knew that he loved her. There was a small voice in the back of her mind that asked what if this all went wrong, what if it showed someone else, someone that loved her but she would never be able to return it. But then she looked deep inside herself and decided that if her and Giles were meant to be then it would all come out okay and she had no reason to believe that it would not.  
  
She took a deep breath and knocked on the door. Giles answered it. She walked into the room. Giles noticed that she looked a bit more nervous than usual.  
  
"Are you alright, Willow?"  
  
"Yes, I'm fine. I guess I am just a bit nervous you know, 'cause of the spell."  
  
"You know Willow, we don't really have to do this..."  
  
"Yes, Giles, I do. I need to know. It is important to me, you know it is. I am just nervous, I mean what if it is someone like, oh I don't know....SPIKE?"  
  
"Your soul mate will not be Spike, as he does not have a soul it will be impossible for him to be your soul mate."  
  
Willow didn't really believe that Spike couldn't find himself a soul mate, but she kept it to herself, this was not the point. The only reason she was worried is because her plan would not work if Giles was not who they saw in the vision. Did she want to risk it? She didn't know. And suddenly she didn't want to find out.  
  
"Giles, I have changed my mind, I don't want to do the spell. Can we talk?"  
  
Giles looked at her. The look in her eyes was different than he had ever seen before. It made him feel something like...hope? No, never that, she does not want you old man, why can you not get this through your head.  
  
"Um, of course Willow, what's on your mind?" He led her over to the couch and sat down beside her.  
  
Willow twisted her hands nervously. "We've known each other for a long time now, right Giles? I feel like I know you and you know me. I feel like you are a very important part of my life. When I try to think about my life without you...I can't. Giles I like you in my life. I want you to be in my life."  
  
Giles just stared at her not believing what he was hearing...she couldn't mean that she wanted him in her life...romantically could she? Could she? No...of course not. It was unfathomable...  
  
"Giles, I know that sometimes it seems like we don't appreciate you, but we do. You are so important to us...to me."  
  
Willow looked deeply into Giles' eyes. "I recently came to a conclusion that I wanted to share with you and I would like your opinion." She took a deep breath. "Giles, I love you."  
  
The world stopped. Giles blinked. He could not have heard what he thought he heard could he? Willow loved him?  
  
"...What?" Giles barely chocked out.  
  
"Giles, I love you. I have been thinking about you constantly. I can't imagine you not here in my life. I want you to be here all the time. I want to go out to dinner with you and come home and cuddle on the couch. I want to read books and talk about them. I want us to work on research together and then go to bed and be together. Giles, I love you so much."  
  
Giles just sat there staring. He couldn't form words. He didn't know what to say. You dreams are coming true, say something, anything. Everything that you could possibly want, just say something!!!  
  
"Giles? What do you think? Is there a chance that maybe we could try a relationship, or maybe just a date?"  
  
"Willow, you can't possibly want me, you can't possibly love me? Willow...why?"  
  
Giles just stared at her. He was sure that this was just a dream and in a minute that he would just wake up. Once he decided that that was the case he was going to grab at this chance with everything he had.  
  
"Giles, I love you, because you are you, for no other reason. I love you."  
  
"Willow, I love you to. I've loved you so long. I just never dreamed that you could possibly love me. That you could possibly look at me as anything more than a father figure or an authority figure. Willow, if you truly want an old man like me...I will not argue. You've given an old man everything that he could possibly want."  
  
Willow launched herself into his arms and kissed him. "Giles, I love you now and forever."  
  
Giles kissed Willow. This is no dream, he thought. This is real. 


End file.
